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Doubt is a universal human experience. We have all felt the pain, the harassment, and the threat of it.

Doubt comes in different depths. The deepest form denies that we can believe anything at all. The other

extreme is the mind of the dogmatic that sails along with unquestioning confidence on a sea of tranquil

certitude.


While there is a certain appeal in dogmatic tranquility, there is also the danger that we might

overlook the possibility of error in our most familiar beliefs. As much as we might like to think of

eliminating any trace of doubt in our life, the truth is that it would be undesirable, even if it were

possible.


Doubt clouded that first Easter. Luke says that when the apostles heard the news from the women who

visited the tomb, they would not believe it. Of course, Thomas is the classical example of doubt on the

first Easter. Jesus had appeared to the disciples that night, but Thomas was absent. When Thomas found

the group, they were exclaiming, "We have seen the Lord." Thomas, being troubled with doubt,

responded, "Unless I see the mark of the nails on his hands, unless I put my finger into the place where

the nails were, and my hand in his side, I will not believe it." Thomas may be the patron saint of

Missouri, whose license plates declare is the "show me" state. Thomas needed to see before he could

believe!


But then, eight days later, Jesus again paid no attention to the locked doors, and appeared and showed

Thomas his hands which still carried the prints of the nails and his side with its wound. In that moment

St. Thomas the Apostle experienced the power of the Risen Christ in his life and exclaimed one of the

greatest confessions of the New Testament, "My Lord and my God." Aren't we all a little like Thomas?

Thank God for that! Because, as Elton Trueblood has said, "A faith that is never questioned isn't worth

having." Thomas remained with the others until his doubts and uncertainties were transformed into a

dynamic faith.


The winning over of Thomas, the doubter, prefaces our Savior’s blessing upon all "who have not seen

and yet believe." St. Peter remembered that blessing and wrote, "Without having seen him you love

him; though you do not now see him you believe in him..."; Jesus did not condemn the doubt of

Thomas nor the honest struggles with faith others expressed to him in the New Testament. He invited

Thomas to have his satisfactions of proof by touching him, allowing the dubitative disciple to refurbish

his faith through the touch test.


Beliefs must be checked in some objective manner. Our Anglican heritage gives us four such tests,

saying that our beliefs must be worked out, examined, refined through Scripture, tradition, reason, and

experience. This is especially important in the matter of faith because just as in the world of science

"seeing is believing", so in the realm of faith, "believing is seeing." So, it is important to face our doubts

and let them lead us deeper into faith's certainties.


When people tell me that they have never had a moment of probing religious doubt, I find myself

wondering whether they have ever known a moment of vital religious conviction. For if one fact stands

out above all others in the history of religion, it is this: the price of a great faith is a great and continuous

struggle to get it, to keep it, and to share it...It is a serious mistake to think of faith as a placid lake under

the bewitching beauty of the full moon. It is much more like the ocean in storm, the swift current of the

full river where one must stay alert if he would stay alive. Faith is a fight as well as a peace. I find

myself thinking of my task as a Pastor and Teacher in the way described by Paul Tillich, when he said,

"Sometimes I think my mission is to bring faith to the faithless and doubt to the faithful."


YomHaShoa, Holocaust Memorial Day, begins at sunset tomorrow. We will be painfully reminded of

Adolph Hitler. Hitler was an atheist. We usually think of atheism as ultimate doubt. But when you think

of it as a religion, you can see how helpful it would be to have a system of doubt to correct it. Hitler had

no religion to cast doubts on his approach to life. But there are other problems besides Hitler's form of

atheism. There is, for example, practical atheism. Practical atheists believe in God; God just doesn't have

anything to do with their lives. Martin Luther once wrote, "There is the man who has never doubted that

God is, but who lives as though he were not; and there is the man who doubts whether God is, or even

denies that He is, but lives a s though He were. In the latter, the grace of God is at work."

Look at the lives of the saints.


According to holy legend, doubt appears as a temptation which increases

in power with the increase of saintliness. In those who rest on their unshakable faith, Pharisaism and

fanaticism are the unmistakable symptoms of doubt which has been repressed. Doubt is overcome not

by repression but by courage. Courage does not deny that there is doubt, but it takes the doubt into itself

as an expression of its own finitude and affirms the content of an ultimate concern. Courage does not

need the safety of unquestionable conviction. It includes the risk without which no creative life is

possible. The Christian faith is stronger than our doubts. It is like the Chinese proverb, which says,

"Chinese sails, though full of holes, still work."


One of the things we are supposed to learn by the time we finish adolescence is that meaning can

function on more than one level. Our schooling has tended to teach us to believe that things are either

true or false; they either happened or they didn't . When this type of reasoning is applied to a sacred text,

one is placed in the awkward position of either affirming the whole thing or selectively denying it on

tenuous grounds, such as one's present world view. What we are looking for is not simply a belief

system, but an identity, a tradition in which we can locate ourselves.


Suppose a half dozen of us were seated around the walls of a darkened room. We are told that

somewhere in the open, middle space, there is a chair. Which of us will find that chair? Certainly not

those who sit still and philosophize about where the chair might be placed. No, the chair can be found

only by those who have the courage to get up and risk stumbling around in the dark, using whatever

powers of reason and sensation we might have until the chair is discovered.


Or in our relationships with those we love. I have faith that my wife loves me. I feel her kindness, her

caring, her loving touch - all these I interpret to mean that she loves me. Not every moment of our

relationship has been perfectly romantic, but her acts of love are such that, while I cannot claim absolute

certainty now or about the future, I have a deep faith in her love for me. We cannot ever; or

the experience of love with the same probability as sunrise or a lab experiment, but we have

faith that love is real, is what we know to be the case, is the explanation which correctly interprets

certain "scientific experience."


Once a young man said to the philosopher, Blaise Paschal, "Oh that I had your creed, then I would live

your life." Paschal replied, "Let me tell you something, young man. If you will live my life, it will not be

many days until you have my creed." In other words, Paschal is saying it is easier to act your way into

belief than the other way around. And when we see Thomas after the resurrection, we follow the

trajectory of his faith from confusion to confession. The Risen Christ, at last, confronted him in the

presence of the others and together they dealt with his doubt until it gave way to affirmation. He does

that for us, too.


September 20, 2026
By Tanya Eiserer • September 16, 2026
By Paula Jefferson • September 16, 2026
When I adopted my dog, Scrappy, he was 9 months old. He was found on the streets of Euless—and because he was a puppy, the animal control folks invested in him. He was neutered and moved to an animal shelter where I found him. When he came to us, it was clear that he had never lived in a home. The first evening, I fed Dursey and Scrappy together. That was a mistake. Scrappy immediately went after Dursey to get Dursey’s food. There was growling, barking, and bared teeth between the two dogs, so I reached for Scrappy’s bowl. That was also a mistake. It was my first encounter with food guarding. Scrappy was used to roaming the streets, searching for food, protecting whatever he found from other scavengers. He was fighting to protect the food I had given him—and then he started trying to take Dursey’s, too. Scarcity and survival had shaped Scrappy’s understanding of the world. ….pause…. Matthew tells us the parable of the unforgiving servant. A king summons a slave to repay what he has borrowed from the king. He cannot repay. Therefore, the king orders that he, his family, and his possessions be sold so that the king’s bank account will be restored. There is no compassion here. No mercy. This is simply business as usual: Pay up or be sold. Then the parable took an interesting turn. The debtor falls on his knees and begs the king for patience so that he could repay the debt over time. He’s not asking to be released from the debt. He’s asking for more time. But the king does something the debtor isn’t expecting. Rather than giving more time, the king releases him—and forgives the debt. All of it. In that moment, his life –and that of his family—changes dramatically. He has lived his whole life in an economy of debt. Someone is owed. Someone pays. And, now, out of the blue, the king says: You don’t owe me anymore. The man walks out. Almost immediately, he meets a fellow servant who owes him money. He grabs the man and demands payment. The servant says to him the very words he had just spoken to the king: “Have patience with me, and I will pay you.” But he refuses. He has the man thrown into prison. The unforgiving servant received a gift—but it was such a foreign experience, he did not know how to live inside it. …pause… What is a gift? In tax theory (my turf), a gift is something of value given without strings attached …without an expectation that something will be returned to the giver, and without the giver controlling what the recipient does with it. Was the king’s debt forgiveness really a gift? The king never tells the servant, “I am forgiving this debt on the condition that you forgive the debts of others.” There is no stated condition in the story. And, yet, when the king learns what the servant has done, he takes the forgiveness back. He restores the debt and sends the servant to prison. What kind of gift is that? The king introduces something that looks like a gift economy—and then, when the recipient fails to behave according to the rules of that economy, the king returns to an economy of debt. …pause… After that first disastrous feeding, I learned to feed Scrappy in a separate room…my bedroom. And he learned the ritual that made his meal appear: Scrappy, Come. Scrappy, Sit. Scrappy, Wait. The bowl goes to floor. I take his head into my hands and say, “I love you Scrappy. There will always be enough.” And then he eats. I know he does not understand what those words mean. But he does understand the ritual. He knows what happens next…he has learned that he doesn’t have to fight for his food. He can wait. There will be enough. …pause… We become what our relationships teach us about the world. Scrappy learned that food was scarce. He learned to grab…to protect. It took time for him to learn something different. He had to experience it – again and again. I wonder if that is part of what Jesus is getting at in this parable. The servant has been forgiven an impossible debt. He has been given a completely new reality. But he walks right back into the old one: You owe me. Pay up. The parable isn’t simply saying, “Forgive, because that’s the rule.” It is showing us the consequences of a community in which people cannot trust that there will be enough mercy to go around. …pause… We know what that feels like. When we think there isn’t enough forgiveness, grace, recognition, love, we start keeping score. I forgave you last time. I’ve given enough. I’ve done my part. Just like that…forgiveness becomes a transaction…a ledger sheet. …pause… Jesus is inviting us to something very different: “I release this debt.” Period. Because, there is enough….enough mercy, enough grace, enough love. This is the kind of community St. Christopher’s is becoming--a place where forgiveness and mercy are given freely—not because we expect something in return, but because we have received them freely, ourselves. Every time we choose mercy instead of keeping score, we practice a different way of living. …pause… This morning, I opened the back door and called, “Scrappy, Come. Breakfast.” He ran into the house…running so fast he couldn’t make the 90-degree turn into my bedroom hallway. He had to run through the living room to slow down, then to my bedroom. He ran in frenzied circles until I said, “Scrappy, Sit. Scrappy, Wait.” I put down the bowl, took his head in my hands and said, “I love you, Scrappy. There will always be enough. Always.” Then I came here….Jesus called to us, “Y’all Come. Worship.” And we gathered, with joy and hope and all the rest that is within us. “Come. Sit. Wait. I love you. There will always be enough. Always.”
By Paula Jefferson • August 9, 2026
By Paula Jefferson • August 8, 2026
The first time I met Margie Major, she looked me up and down. Goodness knows how many Episcopal priests she had welcomed into her 101-year life. I suspect I was the first woman to be her priest. We talked, found common ground in our dogs and God. And then she asked a question I would hear on every visit: “Paula, where are my people?” Margie worshiped faithfully with St. Christopher’s through our livestream. That opportunity was possible because her great-niece, Lauryn, made it happen. During COVID, Lauryn volunteered her time and expertise to design the livestream system that still serves our congregation today. And that was also how Margie noticed who had been gathered for worship…and who was missing. Margie knew her flock. Shepherds aren’t very common today. But the crowd gathered around Jesus was very familiar with sheep and shepherds. Jesus reached into ordinary life and said, “If you want to know what God is like, look at a shepherd.” And then he told the story of the good shepherd. “I know my own, and my own know me…”. Here’s the Gospel sentence that drew my attention all week: “And I lay down my life for the sheep.” Jesus is foreshadowing the cross. But he’s also speaking of something more than one Friday afternoon. The cross reveals the shape of the life he is already living. What does it mean to “lay down one’s life?” I don’t think Jesus means one heroic moment. Shepherds don’t lay down their lives only when a wolf appears. They lay down their lives every day—their lives become ordered around the well-being of the flock. That’s the link I’ve been seeing all week between Margie’s life and the good shepherd. She didn’t wake up one morning prepared to shepherd students through desegregation, or to help found St. Simon of Cyrene, or to accompany generations of young people into adulthood. That kind of life isn’t improvised. It is formed. Over years of prayer, worship, Scripture, and Holy Communion, Christ was quietly shaping Margie into the kind of person who could give her life away without counting the cost. That kind of strength and humility reveal a life that is Christ-centered. She didn’t have to tell us. We saw it. Margie set the bar high….for herself…and for everyone she loved. She didn’t set the bar out of reach—but just past the place comfort….the place where growth begins. When Margie entered the room, we stood a little straighter, dug a little deeper. For her 100 th birthday celebration, Etta Attkinson and Edwardean Harris helped write a proclamation honoring Margie’s life through their eyes as her former students and members of St. Simon-of-Cyrene. We spent an afternoon turning their memories into proclamations. A few of my favorites…. “Whereas, Margie was an educator at the historical I.M. Terrell High School and an administrator at Paschal High School, and who was known to walk softly and carry a giant stick…. and, Whereas, Margie earned her students’ trust by demonstrating that she would honor their confidentiality; and, Whereas, Margie is respected among friends and colleagues for her wisdom, generosity, sophistication, and love of family….and on and on. pause Shortly after her birthday celebration, I visited Margie at home. She was feeling strong that day and wanted to meet in the formal living room. I had never been invited to that space. Margie had an agenda. We talked about peace…the inside kind, a life well-lived, the importance of faith in this life. We prayed…anointed. And then, of course, she put that question to me: where are my people? I had learned by then that she wasn’t taking attendance. She was asking the shepherd’s question: ‘Are my people still being gathered by the Good Shepherd?’. pause Last week, I wrote to Bishop Andy Doyle to let him know that a founding member of St. Simon of Cyrene had died and to share with him the words read into the Congressional Record of the United States upon Margie’s 100 th birthday. In his reflection, Bp Doyle recalled Mary of Bethany… In the house at Bethany, something unexpected happened, a woman broke open a jar of ointment. No one had asked her for it. No one had earned it. She poured it out over feet that would soon carry him toward the cross, and John tells us the whole house filled with the fragrance. The love came first. The understanding came later, and for some it never came at all. There is something here about Margie, he said. She loved us before we knew how to receive it. This is why she founded a church! The love was given long before any of us thought to give it back, and before I met her. We can count what she built. Count what she did, who she served, and how she provided. Count and give thanks to God. Read that list aloud and it will still fall short, because the list records what her hands did while saying almost nothing about why the room changed when she was in it. I’ve wondered this week what it was about Margie that changed a room when she entered it. It wasn’t power. It wasn’t position. I think it’s that she carried the quiet authority of a life deeply rooted in Christ. Margie had the rare gift of helping other people become the very people God created them to be. Around her, we wanted to become a little kinder, a little wiser, a little more faithful. We stood a little straighter—not because she demanded it, but because she called forth the best in us. Bp Doyle said, The Church has a word for something or someone who carries a grace beyond our seeing. We call it a sign. Margie was a sign of so many of God’s promises. What we loved in her was never hers. It was poured into her and then poured out on us. She was a steward of godly things. Paul told the Corinthians they had become the aroma of Christ. He meant it about people who had been near enough to Jesus that the scent stayed on their clothes. Here is Bethany. The jar is broken now. The fragrance is still in the house. It is in you, in the way you welcome the stranger she would have welcomed, in the work she started that your hands will continue. Blessings to you all, Bishop Andy The Rt Rev C. Andrew Doyle Episcopal Diocese of Texas Bishop Andy is right…the fragrance remains. It is here … in this very room. It lingers in the lives she shaped, in the students she encouraged, in the church she helped to build, in the family she cherished, in the woman priest she taught to be a shepherd, and in every person who learned from Margie what it means to follow the Good Shepherd. But that fragrance is not our hope. The fragrance is a gift…and a sign. But it is not the Gospel. The Gospel is this: Christ is risen. The Good Shepherd who called Margie by name in Baptism has now called her through death into eternal life. That is our hope. Margie asked, “Paula, where are my people?” Margie, your people are here. We are here because you loved us. We are here because you spent 101 years pointing us toward the Good Shepherd. And one day, by the grace of God, we will be with you. That’s the resurrection. With thanksgiving for the life of Margie Major…Amen.
By Paula Jefferson • July 26, 2026
By Melanie Kingsbury • May 17, 2026
By Paula Jefferson • May 10, 2026
By Paula Jefferson • May 3, 2026
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