In June of 2022, the Episcopal Diocese of Fort Worth held a special convention to determine if we would reunite with the Diocese of Texas. We shared a beautiful worship service with all the parishes and missions of our diocese, and then there was the business meeting. After it, we filed into the fellowship hall of Trinity Fort Worth for a celebratory luncheon.


Just days before that event, the diocese issued a press release telling the whole world that St Christopher’s vestry called me to be your next priest. As I was making my way through the lunch line, Jeanneane Keene—the senior warden—asked if I would sit at the St. Christopher’s table and meet more of you.


Of course, I did just that. And what followed was a lot like speed dating. There were questions coming at me from every direction. Folks were learning about me and I was desperately trying to put names and faces together. When the buzz slowed down, I turned to my right where Ken Monroe was sitting and listening.


He faced me with those intense blue eyes and asked, “What do I call you?” I said, “You can call me Paula…what’s your name?” We talked for a while getting to know one another a bit, and then Ken said, “I’d like you to come to my home and meet my wife.” His eyes filled with tears as he told me that he and Ann would soon celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary. 


In my first week at St. Chris, he came to the office with a book-- and a CD-- of the history of St. Christopher’s Episcopal Church. It was important to Ken that I would know our story, our calling, our mission. It was important to me that I would know him.

 

As I thought about this sermon, I wondered the same question Thomas asked in the Gospel. How can we know the way? When someone who has been a constant presence in our life is suddenly gone, how do we know the way forward?


In the Gospel, Jesus knows he will die…he shared the news with his disciples, the people he loves, and they’re freaking out. He had been the cornerstone of their lives. He brought them into ministry, taught them, and empowered them to go into the world. Because, like a parent, he knew from the beginning that he would leave them one day.


Jesus responds to the disciples’ worry by sharing with them the very reason he is among them: physical death is not the end of his story. It is the beginning of new chapter…for him and for Ken and for us.


Jesus’ words—“I go to prepare a place for you…so that where I am you may be also”-- struck a chord with me as I was thinking about Ken’s way of being in this world.


In my first week at St. Christopher’s, he brought the history of the congregation to me in both print and digital formats.  


A few weeks ago, Tara and I were going through old office files.  We opened a file drawer that was overflowing with pieces of paper. Over the past 65 years, we had retained the warranties and repair receipts for every piece equipment ever installed at our old building. It was a lot of stuff. In the middle of it, we found a special notebook. 


As I leafed through the book, I realized it was handwritten by Ken Monroe…. pages and pages of notes. He logged notes on all the equipment in the building, the dates of routine maintenance and the details of crisis maintenance. If we owned it, Ken logged it. If we fixed it, replaced it, upgraded it, Ken logged it. 


I’m told that when freezing weather visited Fort Worth, Ken went to the church building to be sure the equipment was weather protected and the faucets were opened and trickling water. 


When he retired from General Dynamics, his team asked for Ken’s little black notebook. Throughout his military service and then 46 years at General Dynamics, Ken had kept a notebook with the names and numbers of people who had very specific knowledge to solve very specific problems. He’d pulled out that little black notebook so many times, it was coveted by the younger engineers.


Ken intentionally built a library of knowledge, wisdom, and relationships for those of us who come after him. He invested much of his life in the art of empowering others. 

 

In the Fall of 2022, I finally made it to the Monroe home. As I settled into the living room with Ann and Ken, the woodstove was fired up and the room was warm. I had spent time that day with Marshall Amis. Marshall had told me the story of meeting Bet for the first time. I remarked that she must have been a lovely person.  Ken rose from his recliner and began pulling framed photos off the wall, Ann found a book of photos to share. 


There were photos of Bet and Ann on the dock at the lake house, and others with their hair wrapped in scarves as they boated across the lake, and, of course, Marshall and Ken enjoying time on the boat. There’s a photograph of a church where the family worshiped when they were at the lake on Sundays.


The lake house was a place of Sabbath for Ken. A lot of family memories and good times were born there. 


On the afternoon before Ken died, I visited him in the hospital. I knew he had been through a lot that week, but I did not know his bags were packed and ready for the last trip. I walked to his bedside to take his hands in mine and pray with him. But instead, Ken took my hands into his. 


So, when the family chose “He’s got the whole world in his hands” as a hymn for today, I remembered Ken closing his hands around mine. One last time, being the one offering strength and presence. 


Jesus wanted to comfort his disciples: “Do not let your hearts be troubled…I am the way and the truth and the life.”  


Every notebook Ken filled was an act of faith—a breadcrumb trail to help others find their way.


Every vegetable pulled from his garden and dropped at someone’s doorstep was an act of generosity—a reflection of the abundant life he lived.


Every time his eyes filled with tears talking about Ann, or his children, or grandchildren, he showed us vulnerability and love.


Every time he prepared the church for freezing temperatures, installed a basketball hoop for a 10-year-old boy, or painstakingly cleaned the Christus Rex, we saw a servant heart. 


Every time he welcomed us into his home, into his life, we felt the radical welcome of Love.


The Book of Ken etched in our hearts – his way of living and loving and caring for others—that book is grounded in Hope and it points toward the Risen Christ: the way, the truth, and the life.


Alleluia. Alleluia. Alleluia.

 

 

 

 

 

By Paula Jefferson July 26, 2026
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Once when a certain preacher launched into a children’s sermon, she was confronted by a visiting child, an eight-year-old friend of a regular member. The boy was new to this church but was a regular attendee at another congregation that did not have children’s sermons. Nevertheless, the visitor tried his best to follow the line of the preacher’s effort to connect with the children. Attempting to hook the children with something familiar before making her point, the priest asked the children to identify what she would describe. “What is fuzzy and has a long tail?” No response. “What has big teeth and climbs in trees?” Still no response. After she asked, “What jumps around a lot and gathers nuts and hides them?” the visiting boy could stand the silence no longer. He blurted out, “Look, lady, I know the answer is supposed to be ‘Jesus,’ but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me.” Today’s Gospel reveals to us St. Thomas – who was put in a situation similar to that of the boy at the children’s sermon. Thomas was the one who had not seen the risen Jesus when he first appeared to the disciples. The others told him they had seen the Lord, but he was skeptical. He doubted. Still, Thomas must have wanted to fit in. He might have said, “Look, friends, I know the answer is supposed to be that I acknowledge that you saw Jesus, but it sure sounds like a ghost to me.” Aren't we all a little like Thomas? Thank God for that! Because, as Elton Trueblood once said, “a faith that is never questioned isn't worth having.” Thomas remained with the others until his doubts and uncertainties were transformed into a dynamic faith. Doubt is a universal human experience. We have all felt the pain, the harassment, and the threat of it. Doubt comes in different depths. The deepest form denies that we can believe anything at all. The other extreme is the mind of the dogmatic that sails along with unquestioning confidence on a sea of tranquil certitude. While there is a certain appeal in dogmatic tranquility, there is also the danger that we might overlook the possibility of error in our most familiar beliefs. As much as we might like to think of eliminating any trace of doubt in our life, the truth is that it would be undesirable, even if it were possible. When someone tells me that he has never had a moment of probing religious doubt, I find myself wondering whether that person has ever known a moment of vital religious conviction. For if one fact stands out above all others in the history of religion, it is this: the price of a great faith is a great and continuous struggle to get it, to keep it, and to share it. Faith is a fight as well as a peace. I find myself thinking of my task as a Pastor and Teacher in the way described by Paul Tillich, when he said, “Sometimes I think my mission is to bring faith to the faithless and doubt to the faithful.” Tuesday of this week is the annual remembrance of the Holocaust, Yom Hashoah. As we recall that tragic chapter in human history, we are painfully reminded of Adolf Hitler. Hitler was an atheist. We usually think of atheism as ultimate doubt. But when you think of it as a religion, you can see how helpful it would be to have a system of doubt to correct it. Hitler had no religion to cast doubts on his approach to life. But there are other problems besides Hitler's form of atheism. There is, for example, practical atheism. Practical atheists believe in God. He just doesn't have anything to do with their lives. Martin Luther once wrote, “There is the person who has never doubted that God is, but who lives as though God were not; and there is the person who doubts whether God is, or even denies that God is, but lives as though God were. In the latter, the grace of God is at work.” Look at the lives of the saints. According to holy legend, doubt appears as a temptation which increases in power with the increase of saintliness. In those who rest on their unshakable faith, pharisaism, fundamentalism, and fanaticism are the unmistakable symptoms of doubt which has been repressed. Doubt is overcome not by repression but by courage. Courage does not deny that there is doubt, but it takes the doubt into itself as an expression of its own finitude and affirms the content of an ultimate concern – a concern that impacts our lives and how we relate to the world around us and the people in it. Courage does not need the safety of unquestionable conviction. It includes the risk without which no creative life is possible. The Christian faith is stronger than our doubts. It is like the Chinese proverb, which says, “Chinese sails, though full of holes, still work.” Suppose a half dozen of us were seated around the walls of a darkened room. We are told that somewhere in the open, middle space, there is a chair. It is not just any chair; it is an antique, the creation of a noted designer, worth several thousand dollars. Which of us will find that chair? Certainly not those who sit still and philosophize about where the chair might be placed, about its existence, or about its value. No, the chair can be found only by those who have the courage to get up and risk stumbling around in the dark, using whatever powers of reason and sensation we might have until the chair is discovered. Or in our relationships with those we love. I have faith that my wife loves me. I feel her kindness, her caring, her loving touch - all these I interpret to mean that she loves me. Not every moment of our relationship has been perfectly romantic. We went to high school together and during that time I thought she hated me. I was wrong; she was just shy. But I came to see that her acts of love are such that, while I cannot claim absolute certainty now or about the future, I have a deep faith in her love for me. We cannot ever “know” or “verify” the experience of love with the same probability as sunrise or a lab experiment, but we have faith that love is real, is what we know to be the case, is the explanation which correctly interprets certain “scientific” experience. Those who are familiar with the scientific method know that the point is not to set out to prove a theory but to attempt to disprove it. Doubt is an essential element in the advancement of science, in the pursuit of truth, and in critical thinking. As far as we know, human beings are the only creatures on the planet, perhaps in the cosmos, endowed with the privilege and responsibility to exercise reason. Once a young man said to the philosopher, Blaise Pascal, “Oh that I had your creed, then I would live your life.” Pascal replied, “let me tell you something, young man. If you will live my life, it will not be many days until you have my creed.” In other words, Pascal is saying it is easier to act your way into belief than the other way around. And when we see Thomas after the resurrection, we follow the trajectory of his faith from confusion to confession. The risen Christ, at last, confronted him in the presence of the others and together they dealt with his doubt until it gave way to affirmation. He does that for us, too. In an era when many people in power have a view of Christian faith that is very narrow and contained in a very confined context, I am grateful to be in a Church that has room for doubt and is open to questions. Those who come to us with those doubts and questions receive a genuine welcome and are lovingly embraced so that we can journey and grow together in faith, hope, and love. 
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